Your Goodness Makes You Sexy

It was last year when I started doing some serious investigative work on sexiness, on what makes a person sexy. This was after I came to Jesus (come being the operative word), and started asking him some questions, started sorting through the muck we’d been taught for a hell of a long time about what sex means to people.

I discovered a lot of things, so many that I’m going to write them all in a book, but I’ll give you a little sneak peak at some of my understandings.

This problem of shame and guilt around sex goes way back, and it affects us all, whether you grew up in a Christian household or not. We live in a Puritan-based society, you see, and the founding of any organization or structure is pulsing with the energy of those who put it together. So if we operate within this Puritan-founded framework, we’re all kind of screwed when it comes to loving our bodies and loving other people by loving their bodies and thinking that this can all be well and good. Because we’ve been penetrated with a hard-hitting belief, for a very long time, that says sex is dirty, sex is wrong, it’s the kind of thing that happens only in the darkness of night and is a shadow part of the self, that we must be quiet about it, that we must put up with our desire but not indulge it, that we are just kind of messed up people and the way to know God is to avoid having a body and having sex or experiencing pleasure and orgasm.


I mean, am I right, or am I right?

And so what I’m trying to tell you is, this is bogus. 

How did I find this out?

I fucking asked. I fucking went searching. I fucking prayed long and hard and turned to Jesus every fucking day. Because I am a sensual person, and I love sex, and if my teacher is Jesus himself (and not those cronies who say they’re all about him but are really full of ego and lies), then let me ask Jesus himself, who is available to me in every fucking moment of every fucking day, and who is the Truth of All Things, and who is the Love and the Light and the Most Extreme Holiness There Ever Was. Let me go right to the fucking Source with my questions and see what he has to say.

So I started reading the Bible, which really hurt my head at first, but stuff got in, and I kept coming back for more, because confusion makes you worthy, babe. Confusion is a good place to start, as long as you’re not a dumbass. A dumbass gets confused and walks away. A Smart Person gets confused and decides to stay and learn.

So sit down. Shut up. Take out a pen.

Nowhere in the actual gospels does Jesus say sex is wrong. Nowhere does he say, either, that you ought to be married in order to have sex. I’m telling you, honey, go and look. Read it all through. Read the other gospels, too, the one by Mary Magdalene that got buried, and the one by Thomas, which is really beautiful and elevates Jesus in a way that helps you know even better why he is supreme. I want you to comb through these passages again and again, and see if you denote any single part where Jesus says you are unworthy. (You won’t find it.) Any part where Jesus says there is shame in sexiness. (You won’t find any part, and in fact, I’ll share with you some juicy tidbits.) Any part where Jesus says you shouldn’t feel good in your body, or that pleasure is something to be avoided. (Very hard no in all of these areas.)

The problem is, Jesus has been filtered through a bunch of assholes. A lot of assholes with a lot of desire for power and money and control have taken over his name, and use it widely as though it protects them from all wrongs, and those of us who are sensitive and kind and true start thinking Jesus is the problem and not the assholes who pretend to love and follow him. And so the whole situation is really distorted.

Jesus is my Teacher, my Healer, the one who loves me and who I love. SexyJesus, that is. Because he embodies what I think is most sexy in the world: goodness, kindness, generosity. Jesus embodies great conversation, and maturity, and brilliance. Jesus embodies non-judgment of other people, and helping the poor, and forgiveness. And, ding ding ding, Jesus really, really loves women. Like, really. I mean, there is story upon story of him defending women, lifting women up. So any man who say he follows Jesus and does not lift women up? That man is not following Jesus. He is just being a liar, or a dumbass. And remember, we don’t listen to dumbasses. They are not worth our time or energy. Let’s turn again, and constantly, to what is real and true.

Sexyness. Goodness. All in one beautiful package.

There is nothing shameful about this. There is nothing wrong.

Now, what’s wrong is to use another person for your own ends. So when Jesus, my Lord, says that you need to love your neighbor as yourself, which is his greatest and main commandment, what we need to acknowledge is that sex is a vehicle through which you express love. See how this works? So Jesus was never all into laws and into authority figures. He was like, totally against hotheads and egotistical maniacs. (He is just so amazing it makes me all gooey.) But he was and is about loving people.

So if you love someone, and you want to express that through physical affection?

You really think that Holy Man is gonna say, Um, no. Listen to Paul.


I mean, right?

Can I get an amen, baby. Yeah, I thought so.

Paul is not Jesus, Paul came after, a bunch of old rigid yucky men (maybe not all yucky, I don’t really know) put his letters into the Bible and called them “sacred words” and then forgot to hold up what is right and true, which is what Jesus said and says. Paul is just a community organizer, a politician, a guy trying to be a follower, just like me or you. That’s it, baby. That’s all. He is not the One True. So his interpretation of events in that bygone era is not the language we must hold fast and true to today, in a new time. His interpretation was filtered through a lot of things we don’t always entirely know, because a lot of things went missing, a lot of things got burned, a lot of what early Christianity was all about got lost, and we are meant to uncover and revive what works for our people today.

Jesus still works. SexyJesus is still all-consuming and abundantly true. It’s just that we turn away from him because we’re scared of the evil people who have abused his good name. But don’t let them dissuade you. I’m here to tell you that I’ve done the work, asked the hard questions, focused on these questions in meditation two times a day, worked and worked and worked at this, and He is True, and He is Right, and sex is not so black and white as the Christian leaders have made it out to be. It is not wrong or shameful. It is really beautiful, and there is a lot to unpack and learn about it, because unfortunately we haven’t had any spiritual leaders take this on. We’ve only had them ignore it or pay lip-service to some shit Paul said, and do awful things in dark corners and cover it up. And we need people, good, sane, kind, loving and brave people, to take this topic on. To read and pursue truth. To meditate, to walk with God about it, to answer the call.

The most important thing you can do in this life, honey, is answer the call.

Then God, Your Divine Mother, will take care of you. Always.

So. Go exploring, if you dare. See what Jesus actually said. And note how many times women are doting all over him, too. Women who kiss his feet in front of everyone, they’re so adoring of his goodness. When a man is that tried and true to you, you don’t care who is watching, you just go down on him. His feet, I’m saying. And also, women who want to just rest by his side and listen to his words, listen to him talk, hear everything he has to say. And women who cry and are so upset because other men have been mean to them, and Jesus puts those men in their place, and challenges them to look at their own faults, and kisses that woman on the cheek and shows her how special and beautiful she is, and how she doesn’t need to worry anymore because now she has him. And women—well, one very special and saucy woman, booyah!—who comes into a room full of men with a fire in her eyes and pours myrrh all over SexyJesus’s hair and washes him with it and lets it drip from her fingers and his tendrils, and he just rests his head back and enjoys, and lets her, because he knows God’s love is not just about giving, but also about receiving.

Ah, the glory of the divine.

I have some myrrh if you want to smell it.

What makes you sexy is your goodness, or that’s at least what it should be, if we didn’t live in such a sick society. And sex is a perfectly normal expression of love. (Use protection and all that, too, there is so much more to say, see above, re: Jana’s book.) But really, Jesus never said a priest was more important than him, or a priest or pastor knew any better than he did. I mean, let’s get real. Jesus said, Love your neighbor as yourself, and he said, Eat with people and celebrate my body (body! see!) and blood. I am in all things. 

Your lover is your incarnate divine. When love is present, sex is holy. Real love, I’m talking about. Love that’s true.

Again, I must impress upon you, that I’m not talking about sex where you don’t care about the other person and all you’re focused on is your own ego and pleasure, and you use people like they’re objects, as a means to an end, and you have no idea how to love a person. That shit is just wrong. If you’re doing that, stop it.

More on all of this to come.

Oh, so much coming is about to happen.


Photo by Robert Nyman on Unsplash

4 thoughts on “Your Goodness Makes You Sexy”

  1. Spot on. I don’t share your religious views, but I agree that the puritanical nature of our society supresses our natural expression of love and attraction through sex. I also agree that selfish sex is wrong. Sex should be an expression of love or even simple mutual attraction (sexual and/or emotional) that wants to go deeper. If a friend and I want to fuck each other, without commitment or love higher than friendship, why should society say it is wrong. If society was more open to this, I know a lot more people would be open about it too, and many more satisfying liaisons would occur, bringing a lot more satisfaction and happiness to the world.


    1. Laertes, I am a sucker for Shakespeare, and your father Polonius says “To thine own self be true.” One of my fave quotes ever, one of the truest quotes. So let me ask you about the fucking each other part. I think if two people are genuine and authentic, and they are true to themselves, they know if sex is just a fun exercise to share, or they know if it is an expression of love. The problem is, I think a lot of people lie to themselves, and here is where the waters get mucky. A lot of people say they are fine having sex and don’t want anything more, but what they really want is love, and they have equated sex with love, and so someone having sex with them is their idea of receiving love, but if it is not actually rooted in love and it is only rooted in orgasm and addiction and a quick fix, then it actually harms them rather than heals them. We often deny what our body tells us is true. We often deny our hearts. We often convince ourselves of things that wound us and muddy up our energy, because we think we don’t deserve better. We’ve convinced ourselves of a truth that is not true, but we keep reliving it every day because we don’t know another kind of truth. So while in theory, I think that people can love multiple people and enjoy sex with them with no attachment, I think this is rare, because most people are carrying old wounds and using sex to heal them but they don’t know themselves and they don’t love themselves and so they are using another person rather than loving that person. How do you use sex as an expression of love—I believe it should ALWAYS be—and not treat someone as an object, distraction, a quick fix? Addiction and love are very different. I believe in, and I know, love. That’s the only way I live. I have no interest in addiction.


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