“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” –Maya Angelou
“Boss up and change your life. You can have it all, no sacrifice.” –Lizzo
When someone is not right for you, he or she will show you that again and again through actions.
I don’t care what this person says, or what story you have in your head about how the whole relationship is going to work, or can work, or could work. You gotta lose the storyline, the hopes, the dreams, the fantasies that are keeping you in a backwards place without the spitball of fire to help you get out. You gotta lose the addiction, honey. I’m talking here, about the difference between addiction and love.
You can love people in all kinds of ways. Your heart is so tender and mushy and soft and cuddly, and it can love pretty much anyone you come into contact with, if you give it enough time and you’re hungry enough for affection. I’m not saying you have to guard your heart; I’m just telling you you also have to listen to your higher mind, too. And your gut. And your body. And not just the sex parts of your body that want to feel good. I’m talking about your body being in a constant state of disappointment, or limbo, which shows you that someone is just no good for you, and doesn’t deserve your time or energy. But you keep on keeping on because you are a good, kind person, and you have such imagination, and you’re used to being attracted to what you can’t have, and you think if you can nail this thing, if you can crack the code, everything will work out and life will be so much better.
That is addiction, my friend. It’s not a relationship. It can’t ever ever ever be a partnership. So let go.
Sydney, I’m talking to you.
But do what you want, friend.
Getting back, the way God works, is that when you follow Her, she will show you that you don’t actually have to make any sacrifices for anything you deep-down want. We think we have to make sacrifices and have to take only breadcrumbs because we don’t deserve more, or we’ve lived a life where we’re generous and kind and giving and it’s second-nature to just give it all away and not expect anything in return. That’s really sweet and awesome, but there’s a layer of ego to that, too. Because God wants you to practice receiving, not just giving. God says, Hey, you’re awesome and delightful, but you’re not God. So sit back for once and let other people take care of you. See how that feels. Do you know that other people like to do some caretaking too? That actually makes good people happy, to give. They love doing it. They have so much inside they just want to pour it out, and they need a worthy receptacle. Ever think you might be helping them out when you let them?
I don’t know, maybe God says something like that, you see.
Enduring Love is not here one day, out the next. Enduring Love, the kind of love you’re supposed to have, is not like walking on pointy rocks, tiptoeing around. The love you were made for, and the love God wants for you, is like walking barefoot on the sand. It feels good, pretty much all the time. There are occasional bumps and an occasional horsehoe crab you have to walk around, but mostly, your feet on the sand feels great. So choose the person who makes you feel awesome, who it feels awesome to be with, and not the person who is half-in, half-out, a person who is a project, a person who lets you down again and again.
Sometimes it’s really hard to tell what temptation is and what the real thing is. I know this well. And in reality, I’ll say, it’s probably impossible to avoid temptation altogether. We have to go through the shadows to get into clarity. It’s just part of the game. There are tunnels in this life, times of confused understanding. They happen over and over, because you can’t always know what’s to come or what you should do. That’s why you give it up, give it over, pray, talk, ask, get help, and go deep into silence when you need to. That’s how you discern. Don’t judge yourself for moments of temptation, or for not knowing what temptation is. Just pray through it. Breathe. Have faith you’ll get to the other side.
I’ve gotten to the other side so many times, and I’ve gone through those knots of confusion and misery, but man, do they get so much easier to move through. They only last me a couple of days now, and I see that life is a constant dying and being resurrected, because if you are to evolve and grow, you are going to spend a lifetime understanding night and day, the sun and the moon. There is no way around being human. You can’t just skip it. So you either block off your heart, or you keep getting stabbed, or you keep making a new way with the tools you’ve acquired, a way that’s going to fulfill you and please and delight you and help you be whole.
Wouldn’t it be nice to have someone to do that with?
I think so.
Now, people, bookmark motherjanacoaching.com to find out about all the special events I have coming up, one for single people who want to do better in the playground of love. On Valentine’s Day, no less! And one on Feb. 8 for couples who want to work on intimacy in time for the big V-day. My best friend Katie is going to help me run that one, because she’s the sister I never had. More details coming soon.
Be wise, peeps!
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