Okay, so my promise of disappearing with a new and improved website did not materialize because good tech help is hard to find. This web design hosting world is kind of a shit show but we’re not going to be negative, we’re going to SOAR, we’re going to FLOW, we’re going to move on with our lives and pay someone more money to figure this out and it will all be perfect in the end. Or close to perfect. Because imperfect is perfect, and all of that.
Sit down and shut up and drink your coffee or get a bagel, or something, and set a timer, ’cause you’re going to be here for a few minutes and I’m tired of you skimming my words. You are getting a REAL JEWEL by coming here, and stop being lazy and scrolling through STUPID SHIT instead. In the future, this REAL JEWEL you are receiving is going to cost money so you can actually value it, because the way people work and function is that they believe that only things you pay money for are the things you value, and the things that are free and easy must not mean very much. And yet that is false and untrue, and not how love or God works (call God what you want, she doesn’t care, she breathes in everything regardless). But people don’t know God, and people don’t always know what’s true and what’s real (because this shit is hard to figure out! It takes a lot of silence and, for some of us, shitty life events!), and so we operate according to this lower functioning that tells us what to value and what not to value, and therefore we value what costs more. Or something. I COULD BE MAKING ALL THIS UP! THIS IS SO DENSE I NEED SOMEONE TO TEACH IT FOR ME IN CLASSES! I NEED MY OWN PERSONAL PEMA CHODRON TO GO ON TOUR WITH MY STUFF!
I know I seem crazy. I am just having so much fun. My love and joy is just bursting to the brim. You probably don’t know many people like that.
(Diane Keaton is one. You should check her videos out on the Ellen show, she’s hilarious.)
Anyway, I was going to talk to you about something. I think it was happiness, and convincement. Yes, it was those two things.
I just keep learning! Life is full of lessons! It’s so cool!
Okay, so when you get to the root of things, when you dig deep and try to figure out what motivates all of us, those of us who are not evil and manipulative and cunning, we all want happiness. (Those who are evil and manipulative and cunning just want power and to dominate over everyone because they have this dark empty hole inside that will never be filled no matter how much power and domination they get, and it’s the ultimate sickness, but that’s not what I want to focus on with you today.) Most of us “good people” want to be happy, and so we strive for that in our lives. The problem is, this goal is a little like love, in that the great big authority figures have put out there that happiness is the goal, but they haven’t really told us effective ways to find that happiness. And with love, the great big authority figures have told us to love other people, but they haven’t really taught us how to love people, so we do everything through thinking it, kind of, and thinking is not the truth. (That’s where “convincement” comes in, stay tuned.)
The truth, my friend, bubbles up from inside you, and it is not somewhere you get to by thinking about it, by unpacking it, by setting it down on a table and working through it over and over again with your hands. The truth is a realization, it is a self-realization, and it exists inside you, but you have to work to uncover it, and then it is revealed and it sprouts forth, like a tree or a flower in a garden. Yeah, let’s work with this metaphor, I’m liking it.
So think about a garden that has a lot of dirt, and maybe you don’t see its beauty and splendor right now because it’s winter, or something. But you know there are bulbs in there. You know, because you planted those bulbs, so those bulbs are definitely in there, and there are daffodils and tulips and maybe hyacinths, but it is not quite time for them to bloom, so you pass the garden every day and you see just the dirt, but there is something awesome underneath, just not seen. But with time, and with attention, and with watering (although not necessarily in winter, but let’s just go with this instead of overanalyzing, please), those bulbs are doing all kinds of powerful shit underground, and at the absolute perfect hour, God’s hour, they FUCKING BLOOM! And then the smell of those hyacinths greets you on the way to your doorstep everyday, and the purple of the flowers is glorious, and there is a flourishing garden when you kind of forgot what a flourishing garden looks like.
This is what truth is like. Or happiness. It is not something you arrive at in your head, just like standing over the barren garden with just the dark earth and the hidden bulbs and saying Yeah, this is a garden, does not make it a garden. What makes it a garden is the sprouting forth, and you are like this wondrous flower or tree, with this seed of potential in you to know so much and feel so much and live so alive, but if you are just hanging out thinking all the time, staring over the thing, you never give the deeper bulb a chance to work and spread and grow roots and evolve and then burst forth and shower everyone with its beauty.
This is not a perfect metaphor. But I tried!
I have met people throughout my life, when we talk about happiness, who have bought all the bullshit about what’s supposed to make you happy, and very few of them actually are. To a lot of people, happiness comes when you get there. You have to attain this and this and this and then you will be happy. There was a guy I taught in a high school with for a while, a really cool guy, a great teacher, who was just biding his time in the classroom for 20 MORE YEARS until he could retire and really live his life. Like, that was his PLAN. And that is horrible, dude, because you could seriously die tomorrow, you just never know. AND YOU CAN LIVE TO BE 100! LIFE IS SO LONG!
When you are happy, you don’t have to be convinced of it. It does not happen from the top down. It happens from the bottom up. This is how life decisions can work, too, by the way. Sprouting forth. Coming from greater depths. Not assigning the dictator of your mind to tell everything down there what to do. Because the dictator, your mind, doesn’t listen to what’s really going on. The dictator just tries to control and force things. And life is not like that, or shouldn’t be, even though it has been for a very long time because we have a messed world that is also very beautiful. Life is about things germinating, bubbling, working deeply, and then sprouting and bringing forth. That’s how real beauty goes. That’s how truth works.
When you know you are happy, it is not just because you’re like, Oh yeah, I’m happy. Sure. I got this, I got that. All these things are in my life, and these are things I wanted, so I’m happy.
It is not a mind thing.
When you’re happy, it’s not even necessarily giddiness, although giddiness can be a part, and lightheartedness abounds. Happiness is a deep knowing, and it rises up so that suddenly the dictator of your mind is like a little puppy, meowing, barking, like Shit, oh, this is what it is! I’m happy! Hooray! And you wag your tail.
Why did I tell you this today?
I’m happy. I wanted to share it. (That’s another thing about real happiness, too! When it’s real, you can’t help but make people around you happy too! It spreads! It’s contagious! Like fairy dust! It’s so cute!)