For a long time I told myself that darkness and evil didn’t really exist. I had a rose-colored view of the spirit world. I’d been a Quaker for years, and I often felt moved to speak in meetings, so I knew a Good Force could come in and make itself known in your heart and compel you to action. I was just so well-intentioned that I didn’t believe there was a similarly Bad Force that operated within anyone. That was just hooey, I thought.
And I wonder now, as I write this, who or what could have gotten through to me to show me how things really are in this life, other than my own experience? I learn best through experience. And often those experiences are rather extreme in order to help me pass the test. I don’t think I know to wake up unless I’m hit over the head.
Isn’t that all of us?
So let me tell you about “evil,” or “the devil.”
Call it what you want. It’s real.
It’s full-blown real.
So call him a piece of shit asshole if that works for you, instead of that old and tired word.
The devil, or the piece-of-shit-asshole, is just not stronger than Light. It’s not stronger than faith. But as you step into your power, as you step closely into your path of commitment, the things in life that will fulfill you and bring you long-term joy, the Demon weasels his way in.
He is such a friggin’ weasel. A limp-dick motherfucker.
When I studied Buddhism and yoga, I didn’t get a sense of demons, or I ignored those parts. And of course, Buddhism, which is so beautiful and rich, discusses another word for demons or the devil, as these mirages in your mind: Maya. So the evil force bears out in all the world religions, it’s just that in the west, we’re most familiar with Christianity. And while I’ve dabbled in world religions and find beauty in them all, I know Christianity a lot better. It’s all around me. So I’m looking to it for its richness rather than trying to escape, because escape is something I’ve always been pretty prone to do, seeking out “the exotic” instead of “the familiar.” And Jesus is just so warm and friendly, and I am warm, and he’s my leader. And also, I’m a pretty imaginative person, so it works for me to think of a figure or person when it comes to an evil force, a figure I can stare down and curse at so it gets out of my head, rather than thinking of it conceptually. It just works better for me. Of course, you do what works for you.
But let me tell you how the Demon manifests, in varied forms, throughout our bodies:
Harming actions to self or others
An inability to act decisively when decisive action is needed
Often times these demons get rooted during times we’re very vulnerable, and we take on a wound, and if the wound persists long enough, and we don’t envelop ourselves in prayer, or call on the divine for help, this other, darker energy system has time to develop and grow. And also, we’re all vessels, you know. We have a level of openness where beings from the spirit world can move in and through and around. This just is. Have you heard of the phrase, “The spirit moved me?” Or “I don’t know what got into me?” So in an energetic way, we’re engaging with these beings, and sometimes they direct our actions because they get in deep. And we need to learn how to keep them out, or we need a healer to teach us how to remove them. Jesus was the greatest healer in this regard, a shaman. He still works.
By now, if you’re like many of my friends, who know and love me and are like, What the hell happened to Jana, but who see that I’m wildly happy and deeply alive, you might be like, Yeah, this is all very weird and I don’t get it and I’m going to stop reading now. And to you, I’m like, Girlfriend, I don’t know what I would have said to get through to me when I was like that, and the only thing I can think is that if I had a strong, vibrant woman like myself standing up and being me, telling me what is what, then maybe I would have listened. So I’m just being me, telling you what is what. You can listen or not. All I can tell you is that it is my life’s work, and has always been my life’s work—even before I knew it—to help people in this regard. I am a wounded healer, a shaman, too. (And I’m other things, but we’ll get to that later.) And let me tell you, I went through some pretty bad friggin’ wounds that taught me about all this, and that showed me how quick people are to turn on women, especially single women, especially mothers, and say they’re crazy because they have a spiritual openness that helps them understand. There’s a whole lot going on in this society about the repressed feminine, and the illnesses pervading in women are our wake-up call. Simultaneously, women are joining together to help each other, and this is real beauty, this is the future taking hold. So while you may not want to hear this, I’ll tell you that evil, or the devil, is real, but he’s just a limp-dicked motherfucker and he backs away when you tell him so.
That’s all I’m saying.
So when you get to moments of extreme doubt, when you know what you have to do to move forward in your life but something is holding you back, and it’s not wisdom suggesting you need to take your time (for wisdom speaks with calmness and openness and softness and patience), and you got this reptile voice in your head (reptile is the word St. Theresa of Avila used, and she’s a badass) whispering and toiling and making you all worried inside, just know it’s not divine. The divine is an energy of love and goodness that comforts, that shows you how loved you are. And if you’re never feeling that, baby? It’s this other thing that’s got you.
And you can get it out!
And damn, if I’m nothing else, I’m a fighter.
So when I think some dickhead has invaded my head and is starting to make me doubt myself, started to convince me to dwindle my power? Manipulating me? Telling me I won’t succeed, or I don’t know things very well, or I’m just a shell of a person and I have no real depth or beauty or wholeness or fullness to offer the world?
Then I get friggin’ mad.
And I put my feet down and call a motherfucker a motherfucker.
And I tell him, No fucking way, get the fuck out of my head, you piece of shit.
And he sees who is boss.
So, you know, you can try it.
Or we can work on it together. I’m developing whole programs for this, my dear.
It’s going to save the world.