Do you know how much love I feel?
Let me explain. I don’t even know where to start.
Within each person is an immense, immeasurable well of love. It is as though within our bodies is a bucket of love-water, and it runneth over time and time again. And that love-water we’re filled with is part of the love-water of the universe, the river that runs through everything, the essence of life, the source. It is always there, ever-present. We just tend to live our lives blind and deaf, unfeeling, numb. We place the emphasis of living in our heads, in our spiraling minds. The mind that tells stories. The mind that tries to interpret and understand. The mind that gravitates toward hierarchy, toward putting ourselves above others or below others, figuring out where we fit in.
And this is not the truth of the Spirit World. The Spirit World doesn’t run on hierarchy. As humans, we’ve developed a leveling system to function on the physical plane, but this holds no weight in the Land of Spirit, which is the eternal, which always exists and is ever bubbling and moving around us.
When something jarring happens in our lives, when something cracks us and opens us wide, that is the time for the Divine to weasel her way in and start going to work and showing us what’s real.
Confusion is a good thing. Not understanding is a good thing. You must experience moments of doubt and confusion if you’re ever going to grow. This is how you learn to move out of your thinking mind into your heart, into your body, into knowing. Knowing is not egotistical. Knowing doesn’t assume a hierarchy, doesn’t make up a story, doesn’t craft a tale that puts you at the center of the world, doesn’t strategize for your benefit. And knowing is not based on information, like remembering the answers to a test. Inner knowing, or wisdom, is formless, seamless, intuition that just is. Placing our faith in that truth allows us to let go, to surrender, to acknowledge that the universe is just dancing, and we’re part of the show, and it’s okay to move with it rather than punching back all the time.
This sounds frickin’ scary. But it is the truth that SexyJesus speaks of when he says that if you have enough faith, you can move a mountain.
The trick is that maybe the mountain doesn’t actually move. (Or maybe it does, I don’t know, I don’t have the level of faith Jesus had/has.) The trick is, that what happens is, you want to move the mountain to test your powers, but you just don’t really care if it actually moves. The trick is, whatever happens happens, and you’re okay with that. You’re just always okay.
That’s what an enlightened being is. It is not a person with superworldly powers. It is not a person who has enormous wealth and fame. It is simply a person who goes through life accepting what is, what is, what is, and she just keeps dancing to the beat, dancing along, dancing along, dancing along.
That’s the yogi, the adapter. That’s the Holy Spirit weaving her way, workin’ wit’ it.
So in saying that there is joy in meaninglessness, I mean that we search for meaning, and it’s good, and Truth supports us all the way. Truth shows us this and that. Look, there is meaning! And again! Here! And again! Meaning is always waving at you. Until you get to the point where you move beyond even the need for meaning into just Presence, into Sound, into Love, into Healing. And now you’re just in a space of Being, True Ever-Being. You learn, you grow, you adapt. You are, and you don’t rely on your head to tell you what’s what anymore, to formulate theories of truth and vision. You’re living in a deeper place, from Love. And that is not Love the way we’ve come to think of it, which is love for a paramour, because we’ve been conditioned to think that “love” is the needy brokenness with which we come to erotic encounters, looking for someone to fill up our holes and make our life complete. I’m talking about living in Love, Love as Root and Source, the gift of our lives, the whole reason we’re here. When you live in Love, you make love with and are in love with everyone you meet. And that’s not some goofy, gushy, swelling-swooning kind of love, that kind of love that wakes some people up to what’s true, but which is not often deep enough to last. This kind of Love is rooted, it’s pure, it’s the source and the all and the majesty of what is.
My favorite book of Scripture, I think, is Ecclesiastes. This Wisdom Teacher is so up front, and shehe tells it like it is. Shehe is like, Life is hard, motherfucker. I’ve searched and searched, and I haven’t come to any big conclusions, and I’m still poor. Really, we can’t know anything. So just go out and eat with people and enjoy life as much as possible, and accept all of who you are, because you never know when you’re going to die. This is the truth. Amen, goodbye.
In the end, if we’re truly honest with ourselves, we do not know God’s will. We can come up with ideas and doctrines and theologies that suggest we know God’s will, and we can read Scripture and interpret it in a particular way that suggests we know, or position ourselves as authorities because of our discipline or status or the tasks we’ve performed. Many of us are constantly formulating a resume in our minds, rationalizing why we should get the job as “good person,” as “worthy,” so that we can live our lives with greater ease and not have to die. But if a gift came up the pike that fulfilled every fantasy, we wouldn’t even recognize it. We’d turn away. Because so much about the way we operate and the practices we adopt comes from what we believe, and what we believe does not exist in our heads, but in our bones, in the roots of our bodies.
This is all to say, love freely and wildly, without shame, without fear. Love is not clinging. Love is not need. It is more akin to radical acceptance, of yourself and others.
And so a simple, wholesome meal with anyone, anyone, is the key to the deepest, truest happiness on earth.
Happy Thanksgiving. This is my favorite holyday.