Honesty Is Honor

We must be honest with the people in our lives.

Honesty does not mean being mean or cruel. It means speaking your Truth with an intention of Peace, and being open to what happens rather than trying to control it or force your hand. When we admit our own vulnerability, our own feelings, and allow ourselves to be honest, we might worry about how the other person is going to receive it, what they might say, how they will treat us afterward. But we cannot control another person’s feelings or emotions—we can only manage our own. We must be honest because it is the best way to honor ourselves and the other person. It’s an act of faith. So walk the tightrope. Your integrity is worth it.

I was at a job for a while that I hated. It was offered to me by a friend, and I needed the money. That friend served as my boss. What we both found out fairly quickly was that I was horrible at that kind of work, and I wasn’t getting any better, despite how much patience she had, and despite how much I tried. The stress built for both of us, and we had to talk about what was going on. Luckily, because we both cared about each other and wished to do no harm, the space we created was a space of honor. She had her responsibilities, I had mine. We knew that. But we found a way to speak honestly about where we stood, what we wanted, and what we could do to make it better. We realized, in our conversations, that we both understood the other’s situation and wanted what was best for everyone. The outcome, however, was unclear.

If I had submitted to anger or resentment about her role in my life, if I built up walls and shut her out or lost my temper, things could have gotten ugly, and there would have been more suffering, a broken bridge. Instead, we sat with a recognition of the goodness in each of us, an acknowledgement of the other’s condition and circumstance. And every time I left her office, even though the problem was not completely resolved, I felt lighter. I felt warmed.

Having an honest exchange—which, in reality, all of our exchanges should be—is not about marching toward someone with an agenda, with a set of opinions, with the intention of, I’m going to tell you what’s on my mind, ROOOAAR! That’s simply an act of violence. The way we approach another person must be with a mix of non-harming and truthfulness. Both are essential toward wholeness and love.

Holding an important personal truth back from another for fear that it will hurt them, or that it will create an outcome that scares us, will simply eat us up inside. And you’re too valuable to be eaten up from the inside. You’re too precious and beautiful to let that gnawing take over you.

If you have something you feel like you need to say to someone, pray about it, and the the right opportunity will arrive. Ask for God to be on your side, to be present with both of you. Sometimes the opportunity appears on its own. Other times we have to create it for ourselves, and just trust what comes.

You are the Power of Creation. That Power is present in every breath, every moment. Live your life by creating a community of people where trust and truth is at the center. That starts with your Word.


“native” is licensed under CC0 1.0

Categories: love, spirituality and faith

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