The Shadow of Love

“I’m not interested in that kind of love,” Mel said. “If that’s love, you can have it.” –Raymond Carver, “What We Talk About When We Talk About Love”

There is a kind of love that is not love at all. It just wears the mask of love, like demons sometimes wear the mask of light.

This Thing, which is really Pain in disguise, is not about giving to another person, but about controlling them. It’s about domination, power, possession, manipulation.

In a spiritual sense, it’s simply rape.

If you’re in a kind of love like that, get out of it, fast.

And if you “love” someone that way, back the fuck off.

Love is about kindness and generosity. It’s about allowing another person to be fully themselves. I’m not saying commitments can’t be made, or promises kept. But that commitment and promise should be toward encouraging the other person to become fully who they are, not holding them back from the abundance and richness of their lives.

This is why you have to know yourself before you fall in love. Otherwise you’re just grasping at shadows.

True love between two willing partners is a beautiful dance of giving and receiving. It’s about helping someone else unlock their outer shell and become tender and open. It’s a dance of offering, caring, looking out for. And if someone has the courage to show you that tenderness, please be kind. It’s a gift from God.

I have been “loved” in a way where I was always giving and never receiving, where someone tried to dominate and bully me into doing what he wanted. That behavior is just plain evil, and I won’t tolerate it, and I want no parts. I don’t care what you have to give up in your life to break free of that kind of evil, but do it. Your heart will be at peace, and there is always newness in life when you step out of your cage. Rebirth is always possible, every second of every day.

Don’t get stuck under the shadow, a love which is evil in disguise. Shoot for the real thing.


“oloap”by khem93 is licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 2.0

2 thoughts on “The Shadow of Love”

  1. Jana, are all these pieces you are posting current? I have only had a chance to read a few of them so far. What I’ve read is so very well written. Really high caliber stuff. Deeply reflective and thoughtful. It’s hard not to be moved by the depths in you. By everything that is stirring in your heart, mind and soul wanting to express itself. Please keep it up.


    Sent from my iPhone



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