Chasing the Wind

For who knows what is good for a person in life, during the few and meaningless days they pass through like a shadow? Who can tell them what will happen under the sun after they are gone? –Ecclesiastes 5:6

Here is what I’ve discovered recently:

I know nothing.

And that’s kind of awesome.

I’ve been going through life like a student, thinking that I need to get everything right. I approach my hardships like a test, assuming that if I figure them out, or put together the meaning behind them, I’ll reach what I’m searching for. And what is that? Enlightenment? Bliss? Happiness?

It all fades. It comes and goes like the money in your wallet. It’s merely chasing the wind.

All we can do in this life is love other people and let go of the outcome. Stop grasping, stop needing. Enjoy our time on earth. Sit back and celebrate.

No one knows what’s going to happen next. We will certainly die, and no one knows what will happen when we do.

There is a God, and that God is amazing, but no one can know God’s hand, or what God wants, or what God has planned for you.

No matter how much you google or read books or talk to friends and therapists, there is no knowledge like the knowledge that you don’t know a fucking thing.

So love other people and don’t get attached. We come into this world with nothing, and we leave with nothing too. The only sure thing is that our bodies pass away.

And what world awaits us after that? Who knows?

At this point in my life, I am going to stop trying to figure everything out, looking for meaning and signs and symbols everywhere lighting my path. I am like a child who wants approval, who wants a pat on the back. “You did a good job, onto the next level!” The problem is, there’s always a level after that, and another level, and then I’m left wondering what I did wrong to get me back into the same place.

The solution is to let go of the outcome. To embrace and accept myself and my experiences for all that I am, and to breathe and sink deep into love. I will be gentle, and kind, and open-hearted, because that’s who I am. I will take time each day to meditate and pray so I can listen to the songs in my heart—songs of sorrow and songs of joy, the flow of life. And I will dance to the tunes.

Letting go doesn’t mean being lazy. It means doing your duty and letting go of what’s to come. It’s about living in the present moment, being awake and open to being fully alive with no judgment here or there. Let go of opinions. Let go of assumptions. Embrace the beautiful, complicated creature you are.

I’ve searched so fucking hard. I’ve gone to classes, and I’ve visited therapists, and I went to a shaman, and I sat while energy workers did an intuitive healing or a reiki session on my body. And each time, I’ve grasped onto what I think is the answer, to what I think I’m supposed to be, or how I’m supposed to act, or what I’m going to do that helps me get there. To what? I don’t know.

The answer has been right in front of me all along. It’s inside me. It’s here. All I have to do is let go of the mental acrobatics, the attempts to find answers to solutions, the desire to put together the pieces. Instead, I’m just going to embrace my fleeting, precious, abundant, wonderful life.

Aaaahhh.

This feels good.

 

“Géométrie Pigeonnière” by Angelo Beaini is licensed under CC BY-NC-ND 4.0

Categories: spirituality and faith

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